To Love Christ

Photo, by Sara Beatty

Jonathan Edwards, The personal narrative of Jonathan Edwards, 1740

As I rode out into the woods for my health, in 1737, having alight from my horse in a retired place, as my manner commonly has been, to walk for divine contemplation and prayer, I had a view that was for me extraordinary, of the glory of the Son of God, as Mediator between God and man, and His wonderful, great, full, pure and sweet grace and love, and meek and gentle condescension. This grace that appeared so calm and sweet, appeared also above the heavens. The Person of Christ appear ineffably excellent with an excellency great enough to swallow up all thoughts and conceptions, which continued, as near as I can judge, about an hour; such as to keep me a greater part of the time in a flood of tears, and weeping aloud. I felt an ardency of soul to be, what I know not otherwise how to express, emptied and annihilated; to lie in the dust, and to be full of Christ alone; to love Him with a holy and pure love; to trust in Him; to live upon Him; to serve Him and to be perfectly sanctified and made pure, with a divine and heavenly purity.
(taken from Martin Lloyd-Jones, Joy Unspeakable)

Why are you here?

I don't know who you are...you who are stopping by today, stranger, friend, family. You are here for a reason, and so I'll tell you the story of why I'm here. Not here on this blog, but here on this planet. My story is uncomplicated, unsophisticated, and nothing to draw attention to a life of spectacular merit. I grew up in a family where I was loved, taught to be a person of character, although I was often without character (especially to my siblings) and sometimes I was just a character. I was a flower child, wandering meadows, and gazing at stars, talking to animals, sketching the world and writing it's poetry. But always since I was young wondering where HE was? I thought maybe He lived in the Church with the big stained glass windows and robed men, or maybe in the sky or the forest. Already I hid scars from wandering the rocky road, as childhood faded. The teenage years lead to looking "in all the wrong places," as the song goes, looking for peace, for relief, for acceptance, for love.... but I wasn't really looking for Him. I thought I would find happiness if I looked in the right place. I thought a true love may save me from the pain of this world, but chasing that dream only lead to more pain, more longing. I didn't find love, but I found out what others want to steal. The small scars of childhood were not healing, but growing. So I tried to drown them, cover them, not feel them, and maybe, I thought (in my warped thinking) here I would find the answer. The flower child was no longer innocent, the flower was wilted. But...down into the darkness He was speaking, whispering of who He was. I wanted to hear him... to find him, but I also wanted to choose my own road and so I disregarded Him. He was not thwarted, He sent people, His special people to tell me. They were peculiar, they were magnetic. I was drawn. He broadcasted, He published, He even sang to ME. He called to me in so many ways and finally this broken child surrendered. I didn't know the right way, there was no-one to teach me how to come, He taught me. He spoke to me as I fumbled to read my bible, "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Rom 10:9 And so, I did. I called a friend and confessed with my mouth and I'm sure she thought me mad. I confessed to my parents and they declared it must be another phase, like my brief one as a vegetarian (wow, I love a good steak.) My innocence was restored, He made me new. He sent kind brothers, and sisters to teach me, to care for me. Now a babe again, I learned and grew. But, I was still on a rocky road, and so young. I didn't stay straight on the path He laid for me, I wandered, but His voice was always calling. I was oppressed with a heavy weight of guilt as I wandered away from the One true love I'd known. As I grew into adulthood He showed me my childishness, the foolishness of disregarding eternity, and I opened the door for Him again. When he apprehended my whole heart, HE kept it. It was always His, he knew I would come, because I was chosen, I was sealed. I belong to Him. Now life is still traveled down a rocky road and the ups and downs, twists and turns have included seasons of joy... as well as seasons of my unfaithfulness, but NEVER his. His faithfulness endures forever. And so I am in Him now 30 years later, and He is in me. And that is why I'm here (on this planet): to show, to display who He is... for you. Oh no, the representation is not complete, it's still a work in progress, but he has sustained me these many years to tell you: He came to rescue sinners, he came to rescue me...and you. "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Rom 10:9

To God be the Glory Forever and Ever, amen.

(a flower child once again)